Gilbert's world

2007-02-12T13:38:00.000+08:00

Am able to get to write crap onto this very page which i try to activate from my Mac for the past months.

WEnt missing for 3 weeks earlier cause took on the fateful trip to Auckland, NZ. Was a long long flight up there, sleeping and movies stained me for the 9 hours period and ended up a loner in the middle of Auckland airport. Followed by another 8 hours bus ride to Waiouru Camp. Had so much to say here, and this page is only for those who have time to read and doing less work.

First night was warm within my tent, without realising the night was cold with a 10 to 15 degrees reading. Stepping out of your tentage with just only your military uniform, nothing inside, is called SUICIDE. That's one big lesson i learnt in NZ. And the first breakfast was great. Imagine those MACDONALD'S big breakfast look-alike and porridge ( this' a must in every breakfast ), coffee that get cold easily because of the weather.

Getting prepared for live-firing.
- "Dressing up" the guns to be in their best shape...
- Doing numerous checks...
- And enduring those cold numb hands, and the flu we always had...

Driving up to the firing point and knowing that my gun will fire the very first shot, on behalf of the battalion, on the first day of firing, by our CO. Five shots, he made his mark on the fresh untouched impact area. Later the night, Bad news came...

That's the changing point of our trip, the rest of the firing exercise, we can't participate due to malfunction. Was rather down during this small stretch of the trip. Was thinking that my purpose here is to fire the gun, not doing those stupid stuffs back in Gedong.

It ended soon when we had it fixed up and to do a firing session of 21 projectiles shooting. Back to the thrill again... It went perfectly well, yet still unstable within the system.

To conclude my outfield experience, i know...

- NZ Army Combat Ration has Milk Chocolate bars, to my amazement...
- The Scenery was Magnificant! With that capital M...
- NZ soldiers were probably the most experienced people i ever met. If you think our local 5 tonne drivers were that good, see the NZ drivers!
- Use porta-loo, please. And they're clean...
- Eating Chinese food cooked by westerners is weird...

Slowly the days flew fast and get to enjoy the Rest & Relax programme. Now this is the best part of my trip cause i get to roam freely around Auckland City. And of course, trying out my luck in Auckland SkyCity Casino. Although i lost a bit of cash from Blackjack, at least it was a good experience. Singapore's getting the Casino and this is the warm up for that.
Many fun here...

THe last day there, we hit down a small community district called ONEHUNGA. ( Pronounced as O-Ne-Hong-Ga ) After hearing up a cheap marketplace that sells quality Nike and Adidas stuffs, we took a dull 20 minutes walk downtown. And the "reward" was great. Quality NIKE apparels cost only 18 bucks after so much discounts! Levi's jeans that slash half price, compared to Singapore. Good catch, i suppose.

Here, i don't get tired of eating beef patty, Chicken, pasta and potato salad, but scared of sweet cookies and weird looking cakes that is full of sugar, litterally.

Glad to be back in Singapore. THanks NZ for the wonderful memories....

2007-01-14T10:20:00.000+08:00

Been so busy packing up my stuffs for my NZ trip and each day draws near means a level of excitement noose up. Knowing that you are not going to see your loved ones for three weeks is not a good feeling, but sure thing that times pass fast.

Being in an anxious mode, wondering what is not packed. My first time flying into a cold unknown terrain definitely thrills me up a little.

Finally got down to prepare a candlelight dinner for Jener with a seafood platter that i made. I mean the dinner was great and successful. At least i did not get to mess up her kitchen with oil stains.

Prawn Mayo,
Calamari ( i made it myself ),
Broccoli w/ mushroom gravy,
Wedges,
and of course my signature chicken dish!... ( although the chicken does not taste this good this time. )

2007-01-13T09:20:00.000+08:00

One of my greatest hurdle in my army life has ended on thursday where i could say that i passed my SOC test. Was a good timing so thought i could keep it to myself. Running back 1st in the whole detail... haha

Am going to NZ soon!... time really flies and it will be my finale trip. Am really looking forward to it, hoping to see it end fast, and when we get back to camp, it'S ORD!...

Could finally bump into my laptop and always go to my favourite GARFIELD website. I miss that lazy cat with it's cynical attitude and the usual eating binge...

2007-01-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

Just because of you, someone gotta take the whole responsibility and ended up in a more severe consequences. REally feel bad ya?... cause it happened to me just yesterday. JUst a small mis-communication and a ridiculous man cause my sergeant to take up 7 extra duties. The reason?... I am...

Am trying to forget the whole incident but i can't.

JUst friday and so many things happened, causing that man to make so many ridiculous remarks and unneccessary shouting and cursing. Well, that's why they say it's the army. But i feel negative and opposed to all these. Such judgement should be eliminated.

I really can't figure out what the ehck is he thinking at all times... he seriously a moron!

2007-01-01T16:10:00.000+08:00

THe first day of 2007... guess that is just a day when i could blast my air con and mugging on my laptop, and to lay back and relax the rest of today.

How i celebrated my last moments of 2006?... Catching a movie after gulping down glasses of red wine and a ten course chinese food @ crystal jade VIVOCITY... finally felt like those rich men dinner. Picture out, the family of nine dining in a chic VIP room

( how u tell a VIP room where people can peep into it??? ... still can't figure out...)

Rushed down to Cathay to watch a movie "NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM"... I tell you this folks, ITS REALLY A GREAT MOVIE TO CATCH!!! If you considered wanting to watch your first movie of 2007, this is a correct movie.

I was laughing all the way, never laugh that hard before. It's not just another Ben Stiller movie style. It's funnier than that! I assured that your money is justified.

Am always a great fan of history and recalled the times where i busy mugging into my history books and the internet. THen during my poly years wherei immersed myself into discovery channel and National Geographic.

Historic figures come to life at night. Sound awesome? From President Roosevelt ( Franklin's granddad who is shy...), Attila the Hun ( the super emotional warrior... that went berserk out of nowhere. ), Christopher Columbus ( Soccer player?) to the great old cavemen that chew down fire extinguishers like whip cream. The idea of the movie was brilliant and giving you the image of a eerie bedtime story. But with the combination of many talented actors like Owen Wilson, it brings the comedy to another level.

Should watch it... trust me!

2006-12-31T10:46:00.000+08:00

The last day of 2006. Morning seeing myself lazing in bed and feeling so restless. Waking up with the usual sinus-like feeling in my nose and those aching muscles i had from all the moving stuffs.

Dad's back from Viet and always the usual routine where he likes to drag his children for a breakfast downstairs . Haha...

2006 : The year of surprises, thrills.
Many things i had done, wildly. Haha... Gonna list them out before wild guessing.

1. My first Zouk outing. Probably my last...

2. My first live firing exercise in India

3. First date with Jener. Ok thats really scary.

4. Getting a room of my own. THats cool!

5. Trying out mahjong during christmas. After a long time.

6. Getting my first SOL in army. Definitely my last!!!

7. My first 21km half marathon. THATS REALLY MAD!

8. Played golf and fired my first tee at Chinese New Year

9. Getting myself addicted to Garfield Comic strips. developed the "MUST READ THEM OR ELSE, I DIE" attitude

10. My first collaboration with 2 of my most talented camp mates in Chinese Pop.

11. And of course, my first chinese song was written this year.

12. My first freelance project after so long. Comeback of 2006!.

2006-12-30T17:18:00.004+08:00

Love looking myself into the mirror and wondering how my way of life could be altered into something youthful. Don't get it?

Visited the barber and requested for a Mohawk hairstyle and i was utterly speechless that she did such a "GOOD" job. I ended up with my Mohawk hairdo for only a few seconds before asking her to shave off the back part.

Ben can't help but to be amazed with my hairdo. No ill intention, Ben... ...
People around me has comments about my Hairdo... :l

Its only just about 4 hours of sleep yet still feeling energised. Sent Andrew off to USA Atlanta for his 5 months exchange programme. Never been that awake in my life then, still the few of us trying to fight off the moonlight and the sleepy notion. Really enjoyed the mini gathering we had and it nice to see the guys active again.

Thanks for all the nonsensial racism jokes that kept me awake throughout the whole night. Thanks for the aching tummy i had after all the laughters. . . . HAHA...

Hope Andrew will get there smoothly cause it's obvious that he don't want his flight to be a scary one. Cause news of Saddam's execution leaked out during dawn and hoping that his plane will not be hijacked by Iraqi personnels. Of course not...

A tyrant's life came to an end... The world was put to alert...

Somewhere that i know about blood relation notion and the idea of telepathy. But this time i guess it's more than a coincidence or something. Had a shock when i realised that Matt has the same wallet as me.

It is a Braun Buffel leather wallet ( You pronounce it as "Buffet", "Buf-Fet".... anything you like )

To our amazment, both wallets were bought from our girlfriends on our birthdays!...

Can't help it. Matt and i traded our signature Gay stare and grinned at the discovery.

Cousins thinks alike... how about that?

2006-12-27T10:04:00.000+08:00

It took a million years to get my blog loaded in my mac laptop and it's really frustrating. Guess today is my lucky day that i managed to blog here . . .

I finally get a room of my own now. Means i had officially hijacked my sister's former room ! Haha... but stupid thing is that it happened three years after her marriage. A bit slow but steady enough for us to do some shifting and much more nagging from my dear mom. So after 11 hours of non-stop motions and turning, we finally can tuck into our beds.

Ever though i transferred about 90 percent of my stuffs, i dun intend to move 10 percent of the rest from my bro's room. Why?.... they are junks!... haha... just kidding

Christmas has been wonderful. PLayed Mahjong at Jener's cousins' place and was my first time playing after so long. Managed to win a bit just to pay for our taxi fare home. Another thing is that we managed to eat Jalan Kayu tissue prata after for so long craving!... HAHA....

Applied leave this whole week and so going back camp next year!... how great a combination is...

2006-12-07T09:12:00.000+08:00

Another season of my vacation starts once again. THis time is from today till 12 dec. I was so excited and can't wait to spend this holiday relaxing. MAYBE a retreat to the pool, or just hanging around. Anyway, it's always good to be away from camp.

But things here have not been so pleasant this week. Facing a emotional roller coaster ride with Jener and i guess both of us need time to cool down. I have been a kinda "jerk" and somehow i must be banished into anger management classes. God, help me?...

Meanwhile, i mentioned to Jener earlier that how i wish i can earn some money now by doing freelance. That's really something i wanna do now cause am really short of cash. However, recently, i received calls from friends, asking me whether am i interested in doing projects. And there is one junior from my former SP DID whom i don't recall, called me up to ask for favour of a 4 storey community club project. I was like," WOW!" ... iT BLOWS ME OFF ...

But now, am helping my bunk mate to re-design his own room and it's fun, having the feeling that you wanna get back into the design business track.

And so looking forward to create my own bedroom soon. But lazy to start with... Gonna take over my sister's former room and turn it into a studio of my own. HAHA...

2006-12-02T09:58:00.000+08:00

So many things i wanna have it happening towards end of 2006. But with so little cash and strength i have left, it seems so far away.

1. Wanna room for my own, designing my own space with a different attitude. Also buying furnitures for my room. It seems possible now cause my mum want me to have the room.
(:l)

2. Money. I find it difficult now to get back into my freelance business. BUt it is now seem possible when Jasmine called me to help her in her newly opened office. Haha... was struggling the thoughts of being broke and helpless, now there is a bit of chance now.

3. Driving license. So that i need not take cab so often!...

4. Music. WANNA try out singing and vocal works with people around me. Quit crooning around in KTV and get to real business. WANNA have my own former band getting started. Meanwhile, jamming with my camp mates, sounds good even with accoustic guitar and keyboard, and they are all chinese songs... Hope to get somewhere in this area... don't mind cafe jobs...haha

Getting thin. I put on weight, for goodness sake!...

2006-11-29T14:54:00.000+08:00

Coming to the end of my 5 days leave out camp and this is what i got...

1. A dark tanned skin from the sentosa trip and today morning swim.

2. extra 1 kilogram of fats settling in my body. THanks to Fish and Co last night and all kinds of edible stuffs.

3. Of course, beautiful and wonderful times at the beach.

Not knowing that it's a warzone back in camp where my folks are drawing lots for the Public Holiday Guard Duty and thank God, I was not there to witness the "brutality"... where people start to nag and using verbal assault weaponry to attack at innocent targets.

And tonight i booking back in and will be out 2 days later. Anyway, this month's slack for me. Few more days to clear my annual leave dates and looking forward to the last week of December cause It's X'mas!...haha

2006-11-27T23:16:00.000+08:00

Had a really great retreat today cause it's my birthday... 22 years in the making and still going strong and heavier in weight... Jener bought me a Braun Buffel wallet and i was so utterly shocked. Never occured to me that i would own a real genuine leather wallet and moreover, it's the brand i always considered "the fine sideline"... haha... Love you so much... i mean you, dear...

The 1st place we landed on today was Siloso Beach. A place where i can be away from stupid army routines and as the clock ticks by, my skin burnts by the minutes till noon. How nice to have someone you love most, sitting by the sunny beach, enjoying each other's company. And both of us were emblezzed .

After that, its the Underworld World and all the fishes were really gorgeous. Alll the elegances and the beauty lies behind those glass panels. Like seeing jellyfishes and comparing them to mushrooms, staring at Giant Grouper and so huge that you have to construct a suitable platter to contain it. Haha...

Fort Siloso still gives me the creep ( both of us are the 22th visitors today )... and although the place improves it's environmental feel and the atmosphere are slightly lightened up, it's still brings back bad memories where i always fear. Trapping in a tunnel with no ends... Lifesize figurines of british soldiers starting to creep... Whole place become cold... ... ...

Last stop, Dolphin Lagoon. THose pink dolphins were cute and Many attempts of taking up-close shots of them were tough. BUt these creatures seems photogenic and proud enough to land up in the photo albums and letting themselves captured in people's camera lenses... THey were simply beautiful...

Hope to hit the beach again end 2006... A really great retreat i had... THank God!...

2006-11-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

Finally can able to enjoy my birthday leave till Wed... haha... had applied leave from now till wed... getting away from the guns, and those SOC craps. Been rushing like mad on the SOC ground, but with a bit of "Fanking" here and there and somehow those timing does not work. All end up 11mins or so... sIGH... bIG HEADACHE.

Finally gonna get down to working on the Candlelight dinner tomorrow... getting ready with all those ingredients and also wanna make the night special for the both of us.

Now my brother went for Wallaby Training and could call this room MY OWN!... NO one bothering me anymore... HAHA...

2006-11-10T14:44:00.000+08:00

Hit the gym this morning and realised to my utter shock that i am no longer fit like it used to be. Back in my trainee days, i felt like i am stallone!... doing chin ups and telling people that it's ain't nothing, doing pumping like nothing in business, etc. My body put to a halt the moment i lifted the weights. It's like a burden that i gonna lift up, a suffering that i am raising on. It's a lot hard now to put myself back onto the workout track.

What else?... my body weight is a big issue. Ever though people storms forward and say that i had lose weight, i felt objected!... HAHA... but it's not that bad as i at least maintain a bit of mass.

Was telling my dear that i felt like Garfield these few days.
Finding myself crounching in front of the TV,
slurping down orange juices,
crunching into those tasty apples that my mum bought,
and also comes with a bit of chocolate chips cookies and litres of coffee...

And finally, putting my both feets into good use by slotting into the OSIM I-Squeeze!... and let it do the work!...Arrrggghh... Felt like an orgasm...

I miss you Jener!... hope tonight will be wonderful...

2006-11-09T12:30:00.000+08:00

Hey am finally back to my IMac laptop and updating all the trashes i have in my system.

THe SOL period was rather relaxing. To put it in the lighter note, it was less stressful, just like a sounding retreat to your soul. Ever though, manpower is less each day, things still can be done and objectives could be accomplished.
But somehow u still felt the same taste of loneliness as one always have the bad notion of staying in camp during weekends. But the saturday steamboat dinner do cheer me up a little.

Counting down to the seventh day and after numerous signatures on the confinement book, and all those DVDs and VCDs that accompanied me throughout the whole 7 days, I call it a wrap on tuesday night 10pm.

Many things and people i wanna thanks...

1. SJ, and the rest ... you guys are cool during the period of time and i did enjoyed the steamboat.

2. The new OSIM I-Squeeze and sits in the corner of my living room. My uncle bought it for my mum and i decided to give it a try. And i felt sensational and tuned!... this machine is great!!!...

3. jENER. Thanks for being so understanding and patient throughout this period. We went through argumenets and you still managed to stay cool and slow to anger. Love you so much, really.

4. My "Staff Sergeant aka Boss". THanks for issuing the charge statement!... and to kidnap my 11B for seven days!...

5. Workshop Warrant. I thought you are a nice guy but thanks for the backstabbing moments. Watch Out!...HAHA...==evil grin==

2006-10-29T09:07:00.000+08:00

THursday was one day that i don't want it to be in my life. I was informally charged with safety breech. JUst a guinea pig for me and my friend. Maybe my boss just wanna put up a show and let everybody see that he is doing his job.

7 Days SOL... just one weekend retreat in camp... no big deal...

So ever so, i wanna make the better use of yesterday and today. I watched DEATH NOTE and begin to wonder that how nica will it be if i have such a book. The book of LIfe and Death. To manipulate every situation till the death of someone. Haha...

If you have this book, what is the first name(s) will you write?... i thought of one now... just be humble enough to write that he will die during his wedding night... ( evil grin .)

HAD one of the best meal in Singapore. To me, it's the seafood platter from Fish anc Co. It's really really good and delicious, especially the butter rice!... haha... and of course sharing the meal with someone you love most is the best combination.

THe next time you guys see me will be two weeks later and i gonna spend my time relax in camp, saving money and slack... no disturbance, almost. HAHA... but i still miss you guys. Jener too...

2006-10-25T17:11:00.000+08:00

Raining down and hope gonna be it till tomorrow. Targeted afternoon... best is the whole of thursday. Help me a bit of this favor?...HAHA

Dad back from Vietnam and hit down so many things and food. And Clare still as adorable as ever... !

Well at least was having a tired week. Just finished with the Bionix 2 commissioning parade finally!.. THat means no more Gedong!... No more outfield( i hope!)... No more mosquito bites... No more sentry posts and stand-to... No more scary centipedes and lizard creeping around the gun interior!...

THe parade was really cool. Get to watch from the news and seeing how fearless those machines can be... Stomping down from the slope, and firing blanks like as if it's free flow. While we, the Primus, plays a small part in supporting them, i finally felt relieved that we completed the whole course.

Finally ate New York New York and it's really good. WEll, at least worth trying!... Trust me.
Finally after couple of calls to Zelig, i cooked the infamous sambal Kangkong for Jener. Does not turn out looking good but i felt there is room for improvement... haha... WEll that night, still have sambal chicken breast meat and egg tofu... the coffeeshop style... haha...

2006-10-14T09:24:00.000+08:00

1995 Summer
No one seems to know who i am.
i think i seems to lose my friend,
How could it be so true?

Sitting by the coffee table,
Staring at my high school photo,
Memories just pass like a whirlwind.

Oh if i'm down,will you still be with me?
Yes if i'm lost, you won't answer me.

Never felt so alone
Never seems so close
to losing you
My friend, companionship.
Never felt this way
Like a bird no wings
i wanna soar so free
My friend, forgive me.

We used to share those funny moments,
chips and all those icy mocha
Now i could just laugh at myself.
Finally i know it's true.

Now i'm writing my journal pages,
Your name appear on every pages.
Misery just come like a whirlwind.

Oh if i'm down,will you still be with me?
Yes if i'm lost, you won't answer me.

Never felt so alone
Never seems so close
to losing you
My friend, companionship.
Never felt this way
Like a bird no wings
i wanna soar so free
My friend, forgive me.

Oh i'm down, will you still be with me.
Yes i'm lost, you can't call for me.

2006-10-13T22:23:00.000+08:00

Been having this crazy weeks recently in the month of SEpt to Oct.
OUtfield...
Lots of mosquito bites and all the heat rashes
THe sand eating experience for the commissioning rehearsal parade... ...
Being a 'racer' in the rough terrains, behaving like Jay chou on a SSPH...

Felt rather sad to see myself getting so detached from my friends. After meeting Clydia just now, my heart wept by the fact that i don't know my friends anymore. Like little that i realised that actually Gabriel ( my church "gay" buddy ) is attached. I was like, " i was not ever aware of this fact... " Oh Gabe, forgive me for my ignorance.

So much absence from it... so little did i know...

Hope you guys forgive me...

2006-09-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

All the heat rashes creeps around my upper body, thanks to the final season of my outfield episodes. THe first time that i found myself suffered under the steaming hot sun. Am almost got toasted in my artillery gun. 30 plus degree C and the huge PRIMUS had transformed itself into a toaster for the four of the gun crews, inculding myself.

I miss India.. i mean the weather . . .

A week full of frustrations and unfairness and unhappiness and angry . I don't understand how my boss, aka Sergeant Major, thinks of his own management. It's really dumb to let the ammo party are allowed to clear their leave in 3 days because they are not needed in outfield where 12 of us spent the same 3 days, torturing ourselves in the wild. It's ridiculous.

So much of those crap affects so much in my mood. I keep telling myself to be cool. Found myself at the brink of cracking. Sometimes i wish those craps in army won't affect my relationship with Jener.

Haha... it's seems so stupid enough if i were to be petty.
JUst today, i called her during her lunch hour and as usual, she will never pick up her phone on the first round. Fearing that she might find me stupid to keep calling her. So i tried calling her again for the next few times before i "call" it quit.
I kinda blew my top that telling her why the ignorance of calls . What if something urgent? i know it seems stupid that i start the topic and its petty. But deep down, the feeling of substaining my frustrations was really hard ... I thought it will be nice if i were to give in... the process was tough.

I toned down over the past 2 years and the intention is that i don't like history happens. I don't want scars to surface again...

2006-09-10T10:23:00.000+08:00

Common

Where should i go,
Away from burden,
Or stuck in the middle?
Why should i know,
all of my troubles,
My mind's inferno?

No matter what, now that i'm with you
i wanna know this is how i feel

My love for you is not just pure
i hope you are the perfect cure
To all my pains and all that i adore
Our lives we hold is all in whole
i never want to leave a hole
within my heart, just make it worth
That's the common Love

How would i know,
lies and truths you hold,
all my thoughts just flow.
Whom shall be mine,
Your beautiful face,
or the tiring race?

Under the stars, now that i'm with you.
i wanna know this is what i feel.

2006-09-09T10:39:00.000+08:00

After watching THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA last saturday, came to realise how real the reality can be. Mad rush and impossible tasks around your workplace, it's not just about impressing your supervisor in your everyday lives, not about saving your ricebowl and fear getting axed. BUt it's about survival in an unfamiliar world.

It's a fashion industry that the character is not fitted into. A skill of journalism, she is out to prove that she can live in fashion. It's just like an architect doing accountacy all of a sudden.

Meeting with impossible submissions and the story was really intense, in a certain extent, but it shows how a person could gel herself up into the fashion world. Now that's called MAKE DO WITH ANYTHING. It's like dressing up according to the culture of work. Like Army, you work in your No.4 outfit.

Interior designer? THose old fashioned short sleeve shirts and jeans that looks like you can donate them to the Garang Guni man.

Perservence was taught throughout the whole movie and it's not just endurance in your mind. But the true essence of the show is about appreciating your talent and not just give it up. Your talent? It's survival, i think. To the upmost best part of your life.

2006-09-02T00:03:00.000+08:00

Its 00:00 now...
location : west of singapore.

Mission : to wish jener a happy birthday !

first, happy birthday Jen!... 22 years old and still going on to be one of the girls i love most. hOPE all things goes smoooth... and hope all dreams come true... thanks for still being with me, still, though i am difficult to handle at times...

2006-08-24T16:19:00.000+08:00

Was having a great day this morning. DEspite also getting late meeting Eric by 5 minutes, i wish there will be more of this occasion.

After much petty issues and re-adjustments, we finally take a day off from our garage, camp, bunk area ( Area cleaning? No thanks! ) and retreated to Sentosa. Of course we did not go there by our Primus guns ... ...

The game of dodgeball we played was all about how u aim properly and eliminate the one who back-stab you literally. My team were losing all games except for the last dodgeball game. Where we have 4 mens left and 1 men on the other side. Someone that does not give me a good impression. My team mate pass me the ball and with precise grid calculation and much eye-straining aiming, with only one shot, i knock him down!. Hahaha... last blow for the man who thinks he can change the world!...

Boy, am i that mean or what?...I thought i can put aside army stuffs and enjoy this retreat.

I miss the Jalan Kayu Roti Prata... and Jener... err i don't think i can eat her with curry or sugar right?...

2006-08-23T22:51:00.000+08:00

In this current local reality, it's hard to see a loveless couple roaming around the heart of this island together, trying to keep the flame burning. Even for myself, i would wanna kill myself with the fact that i am still living with someone who wanna break up with me.

JUst imagine the embarassment you gotta go through...

I just watched the "BREAK UP ", starring Jennifer Ainston and Vince Vanghun. Suppose a comedy for everyone, as we know that the Friends actress and from DODGEBALL actor respectively. THink again, these two guys are doing it for real.

It's all about surviving a Love catastrophe after finding themselves so different in their lives. After all, Love is not about 12 lemons and a super posh pool table. I felt that in relationships, it's always best to compromise and give way.

THE GIRLS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.
GUys take note, no matter how stubborn you are. Trust me, i have difficult time adjusting to that. It's ain't easy.

The movie portrays a reality that is yet not real but real enough to understand how individuals handle relationships. I felt it so radical but at the same time, it's so possible in the American culture, where couples cohabiting together are so common.
I know of my poly friend, michelle, who is residing with her boyfriend and i can't bring myself to believe. I mean why is it so necessary? Why so much sacrifice?... ...

Well let just hope mich does not watch this movie.

Love is like a game. But not a game of measuring jealousy and getting mean with each other. THat's so stone age! Just to prove that you still love him/her?. I admit this is cliche but yet at times, this seems to work all the time. The "sour therapy" do have magic.

Everybody wants this beautiful couple a happy ending. I would not be surprised that they did not get together in the end.

( Yes they did not patch up. And sorry for spoiling the show content! ).
After all, it's called BREAK UP .

It stir up emotions for those who are experienced break ups, like me. I felt that i am back when i tasted my first break up after more than 2 years of relationship.

I can't say it's a comedy but worth to laugh a bit. I can't assume that.

2006-08-20T00:11:00.000+08:00

Finally my dad and mum could stop nagging about my medical condition. My ears could, at last, put all nags to rest. Monday since i am down with mild illness, i also made a medical report on my shin injury. Where the medical officer decided to fix me a X ray appointment this coming monday.

Thank God for His wonders and His works. Ever though i seem to be ao laid back in my spiritual walks, i still think thati have A BIG GOOD GOD. Haha... MY DAD IS COMPLETELY HEALED OF TB. I was like, so happy to hear it. All along, he has quitted smoking, alcohol and reduces himself to tea and anything nice. I could understand a smoker's temptation and it's not that easy to quit.
Noticing that he seldom cough much, little that i realised that he made a great improvement in his health.

The feeling of not being able to get close to us with a major illness in one's body is really tough. Can't get near to his precious granddaughter, ever still. At last, he could really play with her now.

Clare Chan... ... the baby jewel in the house. I miss her a lot now. Getting to see her being intelligent day by day, sure brighten up everyone's hearts.

Today saw myself getting a small retreat from everything. Quieten myself down to relax.
JUst now in the evening, i decided to fulfil my long time crave of roti prata. My dear dear and i went to Jalan Kayu to have the famous cheese prata and the tissue prata. Never know that it's so near Jener's place.

tHE food was good !!!

Next week gotta prepare for the marathon and also looking forward to the long weekend off. Cause i need it so badly.

2006-08-12T09:08:00.000+08:00

PART 2 : WISDOM.

Thinking back of what i did this week. At least there is one day that i can getaway from my camp. WEnt Pasir Laba Camp for a presentation of our artillery weapon to the New Zealand Army. THey are so fascinated by the gun we provided, hoping that they could buy it off straight away. Even interesting questions that they throw us. Like regarding the ammunition storages and the barrel size and length. Our SAF counterparts also drop by a visit and amazed by the constraint space in the SSPH gun.

Oh well, it just reminded me of all the presentation i had back in school. Must know your own stuffs before talking. Can't stand one part where one of my junior officer attempted to take over our presentation. After all, they had no chance of interaction with the weapon. WHATEVER!... it's always the rank!

What counts, i feel, it's the experience we had. After all, been through countless outfield gun drill exercise and one live firing exercise, ever the specialists are out-win by us.

2006-08-11T22:33:00.000+08:00

Random thoughts for this week.

Am so occupied by the thoughts recently about SAF ( it's always the army, what else?). So much of upholding the image and the reputation. After watching the NDP and seeing the 21 gun salute guys from my unit, i always think that "oh well, they are great. "

Went for a 16km run this morning ( YES 16KM! NO JOKE! )... found out that this is one of my first run where i felt weak on my knees, literally. Given the consistent paces and much endurance, i thank God for allowing me to finish the run, without stopping a single step!

But the worst came when i finished running where i realised i lost the feeling of my legs. Both of my limbs are numb!... Trying to walk around, in order blood circulation, i struggled. THats the worst!

Had a meeting with my sergeant major this afternoon and realising how double sided he can be. I don't wanna say it's a back-stab. But get real! ITS THE ARMY!

I don't care. I just wanna get away one day and relax. Hope this weekend i can slow down and just chill. Going to dish up some good food for JENER tomorrow. I have not cooked for ages! Don't know what to prepare...

Any pointers? can give me a call?

2006-08-06T09:50:00.000+08:00

So much of a lesson learnt from a 2 hours movie. I am talking about the movie " CLICK " starring Adam Sandler and THE beautiful Kate Beckinsale.

Watched it with Jener and knowing how much we used to be alike back when we were studying together for our diploma. THose times where we were near submission, hoping not to get irritated by our mums' constant nagging. Total neglection for our loved ones.

Adam plays an young architect in that show, as you will understand. THere's the part where i start to get worried about my own future.

Will i be like that jerk in that show??...
Will i fast forward straight till i die???...

Nah!

After which thought can gave her a surprise by not telling her that there will be firework display. I am not good at keeping surprises,as people know me. But she knows. THe fireworks were beautiful.

Gonna prepare for a presentation for the New Zealand Chief of Army. Hoping this week will go smooth. Finger crossed!

2006-07-30T10:23:00.000+08:00

CHINESE = ISSUE (S)

Was flipping today's newspaper and come across another article, here for the 'don't know how many' times, talking about Chinese nationality in Singapore. First the murder of a massage parlour study-mama shocked the wholr island and the Chinese were all put in the limelight.
Next was the issue about CHinese faking their way to Singapore by adopting children and posed as study-mama.

Now today's latest. Chinese schoolgirls as third party to marriage. What on earth is going on? I mean there are others who are decent here and lives a honest life and they can't judge the majority.

I felt that we should not get differentiate with them cause after all, we are of the same breed.
Some comes here for a living. But unfortunately, some large numbers are being cheated to here. I must say that's a sad case.

2006-07-28T15:06:00.000+08:00

THis week was full of rides and tides!... ... had a very very tiring week and it will get even more tough for the next to come. Just about to get prepared to be activated. . .

Just came back froma 12km run at east coast park, along with the other artillery groups. Got a chance to run into my BMT bunk mate. Was a really tough run and i guess i gotta lose a bit of weight after that. BUt all gone to waste when a bunch of us headed down to Pizza Hut for a feast.

How is it like to have only 10 bucks and you can enjoy:
- 2 regular pan pizzas, one stuffed crust, the other normal one
- mushroom soup , far better than the camp provides
- 20 PIECES ( YES, THE NUMBER IS 20! ) OF SPICY DRUMLETS
- Endless flow of Pepsi

Now how's that?!... ... sound good right?... and you just only pay 10 bucks!... all hail to Samuel!...

Jener and i experienced, what we called, a moment of tension. I guess both of us were tired from work and army routines that we kinda have frictions. I guess i need to be more patient.
4 months down the road, who knows what's next?...
Glad that we both reconcile fast. Thank God for that!

2006-07-23T08:31:00.000+08:00

Had a very very exhausted week cause of only two parades to attend. You thought it's just the number?... think again. I participated in two COC parade ( CHANGE OF COMMAND )... both are really major event, till the last onbe, which is the COC parade for CHIEF OF ARTILLERY. So many rehearsal resulted in uneven tanline and aching muscle.

Watched Pirates of Carribean with Jener and her cousin. Johnny Depp was so cool. Managed to catch the Spiderman 3 trailer and am realy really anticipating the movie next year...

Yesterday i just kept bumping into friendsat PS. THe one person was my best buddy in BMT. Followed by someone which i least expected to bump into with. She did not noticed me then. Someone that used to share my happiness with.

I messaged her on the phone. To my surprise, she did not have my number... maybe i intend not to go on further by keeping my phone back into my pocket and move on with Jener, my new found joy.

2006-07-16T11:26:00.000+08:00

Was having a slack weekend.
Am always have this mental mindset that i am putting on weight even though friends say that i am thin. So to avoid this further, i hit the gym yesterday morning, doing about 10 minutes of splinting on the treadmill. THats really XIONG!... no bluff about it... and got a good chat with Eugene, who is also at the gym.

Boy he gets beefed up man.
( So girls, we have a hunk in the house! )

Met Jener at clementi for lunch as she is supposed to go for SIM orientation. Later did i realised that she made a wasted trip. So i did something really bold.

I brought her home.

She is the 3rd girl that i brought home. Always the mentality that how my mum will react. Giving my previous experiences, i don't mind to 'chiong' this chance.

Guys out there, ruleS to observe for bringing your beau home:
1. REMEMBER TO ASK HER TO GREET YOUR MOMMY! CALL AUNTIE!
2. LET HER SETTLE DOWN IN YOUR ROOM, DOOR OPEN, SO THAT YOUR MOMMY WILL GET DOUBTFUL
3. BE NATURAL. HAHA

All went well for the half an hour stay there.

Afternoon we hit the NATIONAL LIBRARY. After all, Jener and i are not really interested in books. WE ARE INTERIOR DESIGNER STUDENTS, WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?... ...
Walking around to appreciate other's interior works and to comment on them... ... that's what we always do.

2006-07-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

Its been a damn long time since i left my mark here.

Just DANCE... New theme for my blog. It serves as a motivation move. It's like wherever or whenever trouble strikes,you just carry on 'dancing' cause life is such that it's continous and you need the groove and the momentum to carry on..

So guys,JUST DANCE!

So many things happened around the life of Gilbert's. Been so caught up with work in camp.
Oh ya i am going to NEW ZEALAND next year for my live firing exercise!... Am so excited for that cause after the exercise, it's gonna be ORD!...
I will definitely cant wait for it to happen.
Hearing that we will be going to the LORD OF THE RINGS filming locations. The thought of it just makes me wanna fire my way there.

So AUCKLAND 2007... here i come!

2006-06-09T23:33:00.000+08:00

I have been always so unlucky to find myself in a very tough times where i am struggling to stay sane in army. Today is my 1st year anniversary as a SAF Combatant. Everyone was going around like saying, " Happy birthday!"...HUH??... WHAT THE??!!!
I wish i could recite the chorus of the song "Super-woman"... but we are only human!...
I am so dead by the end of the day and i must tell myself that i must walk out of the gate, not to drag myself out... My mind just wanting to shut down from all distractions...

I can't help but cursing on the fact that it's a rather screwed-up ending...

JUst like Robert Langdon in dan brown's creation, we are constantly trying to interpret our boss' language, signs and ever temper...

Tomorrow is my cousin's wedding. Another couple getting hitched, after Susan's ... ...

2006-06-04T11:30:00.000+08:00

I live to hide my wicked truth
I don't suppose you know
I've hidden behind these fridged eyes
They filter what I know
It burdens me I'm never free
And peace I'll never know
I feel inside where nothing lies
And nothing left to show

So save me
I don't know, know myself
And I've been
On this isle alone, what's beyond it

It goes down below the man I know
That lives inside of me
I live inside this blackened mind
And sun is what I see
I've found at last my cruel past
It's found the end in me
I'll reach inside just one more time
For the man I'll never be

So save me
I don't know, know myself
And I've been
On this isle alone, what's beyond it
So crawl inside
I reach for the sign, I will need it
The gain was mine
To gather control, I will lost it

When will it end

2006-06-03T09:06:00.000+08:00

- Endurance -

Past week was a time where i have my mental strength squeezed and it's just so tiring to see myself flaring up for no rhyme or reason. I felt like a idiot that i offended almost everyone around me.
To Jener, sorry that i was hot-tempered and thank you for the tolerance you gave. Also for being slow to anger.

Then i realised that the stress point i got from 2 days back was because of the SOC test that took place yesterday. For the past 2 days, bad nights, headache, slight fever... ... Then came the 10 minutes of bump-ride and high actions. THen the burden was finally liftened off my shoulder. Who cares so much where you see that your timing pass...

THe guns from India are back and lots of stuffs to do... ...

Mum finally gets our family car back, our dear Chervolet OPTRA..., and there she kept pressing me to get a driving license...

So much of army life and time flies and it's almost gonna be a year!... Looking back and it's almost like the JARHEAD show

--- Definition of JARHEAD : You learn so much and never fire a single shot from your rifle ---

2006-05-29T10:23:00.000+08:00

THoughout the week, i was thinking that there is no show to keep close with the local army life till i watched JARHEAD VCD... About Anthony "Swoff" Swoffford entering the "BMT" and later posted to Marine Corp to be a Sniper, till he realised he has to fight a war in the end.
Upon watching it, although the US army culture is little too extreme but somehow it just click close to my heart. I have experienced something like that before. Be it having fun disturbing people in bunk, playing Turn-out by your sergeant major, discussing about girlfriends and porngraphic... whatever... JARHEAD is definitely something that will make every NSmen crack!

Finally watched Da Vinci Code and what can i say?... It's equally good and the best part of the show... it reveals everything in the end, unlike some movies where you irritate your friends with stupid questions, doubts, confusions... etc...

Successfully squeeze all the details into a 2 hours 45 minutes movie ain't an easy task but he captures every aspeects of the book and does not miss any of it.
THe cast was talented... ...

Yet to watch X-men 3 so can't give my opinion about which is better...

I finished my Wharf duties once and for all and i bid farewell to the places where cup noodles floods the whole pantry area, overdose of coffee and tea, lack of sleep, and the AIR CON BUNK!... I miss that part in particular...

Got to go back Kranji later for some event planning and i have not play enough for the week!... it stinks!...

2006-05-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

--- --- BE LEAN OR MEAN!--- ---

Gosh, i have never been so health-conscious before. I don't care how much carbohydrate intake i can swallow. I thought it will be best to be healthy and natural. As long you got the exercise... ...
Just got back from an one hour session of fruitful gym training. Following what Gabriel suggests, i exercised like neever before. My arms are tight now, so is my eyes... yawn!

Always have this struggle about choosing the right intake of food. IN the end after my training, i chose the most unhealthy food in this whole universe. I walked towards the counter and this man with a strong chinese/english accent greeted me...,

"May i have a MCSPICY BURGER MEAL... change the fries to the twister one?!... "

What am i supposed to do?. All the gym training just goes down to waste...
What am i doing ????!!!!

BUt who cares?!... ... but this is a suicide!

Jener and i, till now, can't ever get seats for DA VINCI CODE... sucks dude!...

2006-05-24T13:51:00.000+08:00

Topic of the week: Getting into Men's Health Magazine... THat's what KK wanna get...
KK is my gun crew driver... All he brags was getting into the front cover...
Hey did he ate Mcdonalds the night before and better still,
flushing down the cup noodle 2 hours after?... WOW... so much of the healthy lifestyle ah?,,,,....HAHA...

THat terrible feeling of yourself being woke up in the middle of sleep sucks right?... WEll, this kind of feeling has been haunting me since the start of my OPs duties and never in one day, i can get to sleep properly. Despite the proper accomdation (air-con bunk... what do u expect???) and the wonderful facilities...

My off days seeing myself sleeping kinda early but waking up damn late... i miss the comfort of my own single bed and my weekends... cause i have burned a couple of it due to my duties...

JUst one more shift and we will be through... ...

Went running with my friends at Kranji Camp and after one round, where 2Sg Bernard walked towards us and wanting our 2.4km timing immediately. Having only 3 hours of sleep for the day, my run was reeally tough. THe worst nightmare was to focus, not running. Running is no problem, i can confidentally say. But getting your mind on the right path, that's hard work yo!...

Finish line was just ahead where Lt Ho shouted, "10:05 mins!"

I was so shagged!!!

THank GOD i finish the run... ... ... was one of the toughest i can say...

To me distance does not matter. i believe in the process... ... haha...

2006-05-20T10:13:00.000+08:00

Although last night was rather short and sweet for a gathering, at least you get to know that all of the folks are doing well and fine moving on... MOst of us got someone new while some, err... ... , still kinda prefers the same old thing. Am really glad to see my poly friends again after 1 long year... ...
How nice to have this kind of getting together, catching up ...

AS for me, i was put to the chopping board the whole night for my involvement with Jener.

Meanwhile, back to this very emotional side of me, i am once again felt burdened... ... i know i might seem so harsh in my words that i kinda hurt someone. I felt this week was a time where my patience, my emotions were put to the test. Ever at home where i have to put though my mum's constant nagging, and in army where hypocritics rules the entire planet.

It's not that i don't love her anymore but i guess the Love for her is just merely friendship. Anyway, i figured out that it's the kind of ending we will have. Other people think otherwise, you don't have to know...

2006-05-18T17:22:00.000+08:00

Just came back from my shift duties at the wharf area... ... Being a RP ain't easy task to accomplish...
I felt that i am living in a lion's den day by day, just preventing myself from being 'eaten' by my predator... ... I am seeing my friends filling up the minor offences booklet each day passes and now so far, 4 of my comrades has been labelled as 'main course' ... ...

Why are all my poly friends so surprised that me and Jener are together???...
Ever like now they thought that it's impossible for us to be a item. .. ...HAHA...

2006-05-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

THis is most probably the worst week i had in my army life... ... i was assigned to a mission where no one will go. And the objective?... To stay awake for 4 days with full crystal clear mind... ... It's a high risk involvment and kids should not attempt this at home... unless you are 18 and above.

I was really zonked out from the shift duties that i had and yet it's a miracle to find myself catching MI:3 with dear dear jener... ... good thing the show was really awesome. Otherwise i would spend 8.50 bucks sleeping in the theatre...

2006-05-10T14:58:00.000+08:00

Last few hours in front of my IBook before booking back into duty. Spent that short 3 - 4 hours with Jener. As usual, we both kept each other grumbling about work, army, food and all kinds of stuffs.
We thought at first we were never meant to be together. Guess its within that comfort zone that we found. I thought we were friends forever, but now...haha...

I kept dewelling myself into my army life and it's beginning to grow into an argument within my inner self. I still can't figure out the logic. I shared this with Matt before.
I asked myself why my other friends can lead a wonderful, less-regimented and happy army life where right now, my army life is so hectic and at times i found myself trapped between lies and truth. Lies... 80%
Truth... 10%
THe rest ?... BACKSTABBERS!... HYPOCRITIC!...

Is this the real i am looking at?... ... I thought reality in offices and other spaces are cruel enough but i guess i am blinded now.

And i wasted my 2 years in anticipating my rewards... Losing my patience. Where Love becomes anger... How can my life be so 'real'?????

SOC training everyday... blisters taking lots of toll!... Intensive running... am i a porsche to you?...

2006-05-09T16:33:00.000+08:00

Was trying to enjoy my weekday off from my hectic camp schedule and meanwhile waiting for my dear jener to reply my message...

Dad's back for my turn-ops parade last saturday and i was really glad that he made it to watch the parade. Ever since in army, he always never fails to miss any of my functions. After that long morning of 'Sedi-ah!' and 'Homat Sienjatai!', dad dragged me along to purchase a car. THis time, mum kept eyeing on Chervolet OPTRA and eventually we bought it!... ... Another family car to ride on, plus another motivation for me to go for a driving license... ... which i always wanna do for 2 years!

Got a surprise email from my ex, Andrea... last heard that she is planning to marry someone... haha... how irony to find out... not that i still love her. Just that fact that things are really moving fast and well, i still got a long way to go.

Gotta go... Jener just left me a message... ...

2006-05-01T19:19:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna repeat the same whole history again. . .
The thought of it just sucks!

You just made a beautiful tea cup of butterflies pattern flooding the whole surface of the masterpiece, ready to present it to someone that you love. . .
To the someone that you cherish the most. . .

You certain that will she ever drink from that?. . . maybe the current society and culture makes her reject your 'cliche'. . .
Or the other way round, will she ever appreciate your masterpiece?
From you to her.. ...

On the other notes, i can't keep myself amused by the fact that how fast words can spread within spaces, and other pieces... ... Until surprisingly Grace Ong asked me about my current status. I was speechless and chocked with doubts. . . Someone that i have not been in contact for a long time can actually know about me so much... Wow!

Went the New Cathy building with Jener and we both began to activate our professionalism, commenting the current new designed spaces and all the stuffs that normal people don't understand.

2006-04-29T14:41:00.000+08:00

Life so far now... ... almost gonna be 1 full year in army... ...

Am glad that i managed to secure 100 bucks from the SAF... ... why say that?... ... i GOT A SILVER FOR MY IPPT... ... i know you might think that its just no big deal but to me, it's a long period of torture and grinding... ... well after nights of RT and countless times of push-ups and lunges, this is it!

But i realise that there is a price to pay... ... my condition is getting worse by the days, its my shin splint that is killing me... ... argh!!

Back to blog nonsense into this very website... i must say that things change so much during the period of time. . . Came back from India one month back and the whole experience was awesome!!! I guess after all, shoulder aches and muscle cramps are the only friends i had there. HAHA... ... just kidding...
Got to fire the SPH howitzer myself. . . the feeling of seeing the shot fired out from the steaming hot gun barrel was really a unforgetable momnets. And of course the countless times carrying the 50kg artillery rounds during resupply operations. As a ammo-loader, this is the only thing that you will get GUNGHO about.

After which, another part of my life change. That's is asking her to be someone special in me. We both NEVER thought of ending up together, yet there is nothing to be shy about. From a 'movie Kaki' to calling her ' my girlfriend' was weird initially, but things are getting better. . .

2006-02-23T15:30:00.000+08:00

Trash the ZOUK OUTING thing aside... ...

Anyway, that's the one time of fun... and of high alcohol level.

Got to catch up with Yvonne and Candy and after all, the two now-experienced Interior Designers have so many things to say about the REAL world that my lecturers used to talk about. The MATRIX world? With the two pills that you wanna choke onto?... ...
Candy is currently a sales designers @ NATURAL LIVING, while Von is currently jobless... ... err... used to be experienced...

Right now, My real World is actually KRANJI CAMP. Am seeing so many , , etc... at times i get so tired of it and moreover, it always revolves around myself because of the small cohort of the Battery level.
I just can't help but to get amused by how the human behaviour works in the army.
And also can't help but to wonder about my current job scope in the army now... What am i talking about?...check this out!

Take the church guys as a example...
Eugene - Currently a medic in the navy base. All he does the whole day is to play games while sentry in the medical centre. Good life rating? 5/10

Shawn - Storeman, aka SUPPLY ASSISTANT ... to be nicely put.
needless to say, 8/10

My brother - Signaller at the HQ level. What i hear from my friends is that a heavenly paradise that all signallers dying to go. 8/10

Jehemiah - Signaller . Don't waste my time... 7/10

Lander and Daniel Yuan - Officers - to - be in a month time... please don't say any further... 10/10!!!!!!

ME, PTE GILBERT- Gunner of the 155mm SSPH artillery. Getting new bruises almost everyday, hand full of grease and oil. Haha... Why not you help me give a rating now guys???

My life now ?
Spending time to improve my chinese further... by writing songs...
so far wrote 2 songs and felt excited. Cant wait to work them out after India trip...

The current entry is that i used the tune of the song and re - write the lyrics in Chinese. I know you guys does not tell apart that i am actually good in chinese... HAHA... just like how samantha Kok was amused by my sudden 'cheena' knowledge...

Thats fun and now trying to progress my works but our dear CLYDIA keeps delaying some stuffs that i need to get from her...

Hey sister, if you are reading this, u know something right????...

2006-02-23T15:09:00.000+08:00

Today is thursday and felt that the whole island is spinning around, something like a whirlwind just invaded into my body system. Went to consult a personal 'spiritual doctor' and was told that this small thing is called 'HANGOVER' ... ...

Went ZOUK with Yvonne and Candy and happened to call up the < 'A' BTY gunners > guys to stomp down the whole place. My second time of clubbing and good thing i was rather mind-stable. However, my battle of temptation was put onto the ground and i guess about last night, it's more stronger than the last time @ CHINABLACK.

Ladies' night... free of charge for the ladies... what else?

But never felt so much fun before. Anyway, realised one thing that My Alpha guys are really heavy and fierce drinkers. Especially among the gang, XJ was the first man down... after a small glass of Vodka???... I had 3 glasses of that and a tiger beer !!!

2 more days before flying off to India...

Moving on...

2006-02-04T20:51:00.000+08:00

3 weeks of Outfield training and so many things happened... i felt numb now, as i clearing up the mess in my inbox account.

I reluctantly ended a series of "unexpected " stuffs that i felt that i am sorry for. I know i should have been someone that is capable of giving happiness. But i guess i am someone that is kinda impatient, i guess... Well that was in Christmas that i broke up with her and its then i wrote a song to comfort myself of all the unhappiness and move on... ...

Got to know from Daniel that he saw her with another guy. Then i realised how painful it was... ... to know that she has move on that fast... I was weeping in my heart...

I am her nightmare... ...

January ended and it seems fine that i am busy with training. All the gun drills, the PMCS, getting my hands layered with greases and engine oil. Had been calling sungei gedong my second home...

Got to sing on stage with my buddy-in-crime. And we got 1st and i was like, WHAT??? LIKE THAT ALSO CAN WIN AH???!!!...well that how it works ya??...

Thank my camp mates for all the joys that we shared, the crap...
Melvin, you have been good too...

2005-09-16T16:57:00.000+08:00

"Incoming!!! Incoming!!! " ( immediately lay low flat on ground... covering neck area )
"Incoming!!! Incoming!!! Incoming!!!!!... ..."

"Artillery Lifted! " ( Get up and shout as you run... " Arti !!" )

Sound horrible right?... And Yah, got my unit posting and i got into Artillery Unit.
Think i will need to do lots of artillery drills, as mentioned above. After all, i am in the kingdom cause the Unit is known as THE KING OF THE BATTLEFIELD... Guess the queen is not feeling about this... heehee

Sharing the doubts among my friends about our posting... Like how would Eugene land into Combat Medic and Hoe Shawn got into the Storeman position ?...But for Shawn, it's pretty obvious lah... ( oOOps... but who cares ? )... Derek's in Signal...
Got weird stuffs like Tian Ren's in RP ( Regimentation Police )... James Wong's in MP...

God's Plan , I must say...

2005-09-14T10:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was one of the day where i really spend money like water...willingly... all thanks to boredom...

Finally got down to Father Flanagan's Pub for a drink alone. One glass of vodka sprite and a basket of chips by my side, i just sat there and let my mind flow around...

Thinking back of my army days and also the times of struggle where i tried balancing army, relationship and fellowship with brothers and church together. My brothers out there, i felt that i had neglected you guys so much!... i do miss the times where we enjoyed close bonding with each other, knowing about our current insights and also God's intention for us.

I felt lost in the midst... ... really lost... ...

gulping down my glass of sorrow, my heart felt heavy and burdened. Wishing that i could see light in all this while, i began to ask God for His salvation... ask Him for his forgiveness...

Tempted to order another glass...

And down through my throat...

Inspiration came but i can't seem to write it down my notepad. Stressing myself how should i start.

Met daniel later at city hall and thus began our talk-cock- chit - chat session... sharing about our goals in design firm management, Leviticuz's vision and planning, all the stuffs happening in church and etc. Forever lame guy as he is...

2005-09-13T10:02:00.000+08:00

What a night!... just reach home after 12 hours of 'slacking' guard duties. Slacking?...You guys must be thinking why is it so. Cause i did not get to plough round Tekong but just to stay put sentry post at the Tekong Ferry Terminal.

Not as scary as it was. Ever if i heard stories of the girl on the Jacob's ladder, etc... who cares?...i know God's with me and for me anytime, anywhere...

But this night was one of the most torturing moments ever. Guess it is not to good being a RP personnel. The resting bunk for guard duty personnels is really far worse than the average bunk in Tekong. Its simply like a POW bunk. Lizard-infested room, with dirt-filled pillows and mattresses, comes together with super dusty ceramic floor.

Got a bad flu and sore throat this morning... ... am so lethargic...and its raining now... best when u cuddle up in bed and just sleep...

2005-09-12T10:18:00.000+08:00

Finally 3 months in the making ( of soldiers... ), countless drops of sweat ( and blood...), countless litres of water being consumed, Basic training is all over in Tekong. Marks the start of a real challenge ahead...

What have i done these 3 months?...Hmmm... beside " Yes Sergeant! ", "No Sergeant!!!"," YES SIR, NO SIR!!!!!!!"... but there is just more than that. After all, training to be soldier is not a easy task ya?...

Finding joy in Tekong camp can be a good thing too. Managed to have supports from platoon mates, section mates, ever from our PC. Lots of memories to think and dwell upon...
Still remember the field pack inspection...

"Whole Lot!!! ... 1 minute everything OUT!!! "... thats those phrase that i don't wanna hear...
" 1 minute everything IN!!!! " ... Now that's worse!
Stuffing all the bulky standard items in the field pack, meeting the 1 minute timing. IF NOT, you will hear the famous 3 words catchphrase and you will find yourself kissing the ground...

The training shack incident
...Was another outrageous experience, testing the physical and mental cells within yourself. Friends out there, if you wanna know what exactly happen, come grab a cup of coffee and i will tell you all in details...

Talk cock session... Put it this way... how about bonding session within my section...
Get to know each other... but the ultimate lesson i learnt from there is that to Love one another, looking beyond his weaknesses and faults...

Those running programmes...AGR ( Ability Group Run )...can't believe that i would run more than 10 rounds without feeling much shag after all?... I did it!...
30:60?... but MAN THAT'S SUCK!...

Route marches?...THAT kills but somehow the only mental aspect to keep u going is to really dwell in God's words and i tell you this , it really helps...
Be it 8km, 16km, 24km... it does not matters... i been through that... so can you?...

Lastly, 3 months flies and i thank God for being there when i about to fall and getting weary...
Also another person, Andrea... thanks for this times where you are so supportive and wonderful... staying up at nights to catch up with each other despite the fact that we both are so tired from work and trainings...

Enjoying my block leave now...but for now... gotta go and prepare my stuffs for tonight's guard duty @ Tekong... book in again!!!

2005-06-08T16:12:00.000+08:00

Last night got this call from someone that i know...

Gilbert : Hello
Shawn : BERT!
Gilbert : (huh???) A!... you so free ah?... can call me...
Shawn: Ya LAH!... i now SLACKING LOR... three days of LECTURE... NO TRAINING YET...
Gilbert : So good meh??...which company you in?
Shawn : DELTA
Gilbert : Eugene neh?
Shawn : Alpha...
Gilbert : Wow!...that company quite xiong right?...
Shawn: OK LOR... not really lah...
Gilbert : ya i see... ok man see ya!
Shawn : BYE !!

Oh well, should i get so tensed up about this?

Had been preparing myself physically for the enlistment but it seems not enough for me. I need more exercise and i am very very sure that the officers will give me A LOT of it!... haha... i must be mad in saying that... Friday is the day!... that i will surrender my IC to the army and also having my brain freezed up for the next 2 years...

Just wanna say thanks for those people out there who pray with me... The NS cell especially!... HAHA...

To update a bit, got a real fun time at the Bishan Park last saturday with Mel, Gay-briel, Uncle HL and the people there whom i met... Really tiring chasing after a plastic plate. Imagine more than 10 people running around the field, the size of a soccer field, pursuing frisbee... HAHA...

Most importantly, Thank You Lord...for all that You're shown...

Last word before my confinement :
To my Joshua cell members... ... Have fun in cell!
To my NS cell... ... continue to pray for unity within brothers... and for perservance
To my DID friends... All the best in your careers, see ya on graduation day!...HAHA

2005-05-24T16:28:00.000+08:00

Praise God for all the plans that he had done in me!

1. Bye SP, Hello NUS
Got into architecture degree course and the only thing that bother me is that i will walk out of the gate looking old, literally!

21 years old + 2 years NS + 6years NUS = A old man!

2. Claire turns 1!

3. NS enlistment... drawing near to the date...
Err... ... ...

Got to enjoy the best of life here ya?

2005-05-09T09:36:00.000+08:00

Frustration from work! I really have no teeny idea what the clients are thinking. Ever though it's just the tip of the iceberg but they have to be decisive. It's really sad to see sister judy struggling with the quotation and "THEM"... yah i mean at times i can feel that she is like boiling up in her office.

Other than that, somehow i have this problem in mind that i realised that how bold it is that i have to move, in terms with my decision making. Its really tough and heart-aching at times. Just wondering the consequences of it if i were to strike upon it. But acknowledging God as the wise decision maker for me.

After all, it's already almost a year... ... ... ... ...

Will it happen???

2005-05-02T14:33:00.000+08:00

A song that i personally like!... a classic by Bryan Adams...
Pretty much speaks about my current self now.

My band mates will know this song very well...HAHA... sorry guys! can`t help it!

I’ve been down - I’ve been beat
I’ve been so tired-that I could not speak
I’ve been so lost thatt I could not see
I wanted things that were out of reach
Then I found you and you helped me through
And ya showed me what to do
And that’s why I’m comin’ back to you...

Like a star that guides a ship across the ocean
That’s how your love will take me home back to you
And if I wish upon that star -
someday I’ll be where you are
I know that day is coming soon -
ya, I’m coming back to you.

You’ve been alone, but ya did not show it
You’ve been in pain, but did not know it
Let me do what I needed to -
you were there when I needed you

Mighta let you down, mighta messed you round
But ya never changed your point of view
And that’s why I’m comin’ back to you...

I’m coming back to you
I’m coming back to you
I’m coming back to you
That day is coming soon

I’m coming back to you

2005-05-02T14:13:00.000+08:00

Thanks for army cell that i learn so much stuffs from the guys there. My brothers that i thank God for.

Sat for a attitude test on saturday and it went pretty good, kinda expected what kind of questions they will give. Haha...after its still about creativity and how it affects the whole future context.

Met up with Andrea after church service and was having lots of fun updating with each other and lots of nonsensial jokes. At least its good to have a friend back, after losing it for almost a year.

God, You have shown me a way to peace and tranquil in my life. How wise is Your words that had been able to help my brothers and sisters around me. So much to thank You for...

2005-04-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

Back to blog again... or was it blogging just for the sake of it?...After all, might not get a lot of chance to blog again unless i get my home computer fixed up.

Fixed by a computer idiot like me??... Chances of survival?... none...

Been having a tired week and got bombarded by client's last minute changes to the projects. Not blaming Judy cause i guess she does not want that to happen... HAHA... looking at the bright side, been having a lot of fun designing spaces ever though they got rejected by client and Judy.

My digital camera was rather hungry for images and sceneries so i bought 'him' out for a walk. And indeed 'he' has a big appetite, knowing that 'his' owner has a big passion for architecture heritage and old shophouses. Other than that, 'he' is not a vegetarian as he does not take much pictures of plants and greens. HAHA...

Met Wendy last night for dinner and i guess she was pretty much confused by her relationship problems, ever though she did not really speak much about it. She is quite uncertain of her own love life and its future. Felt bad that i cannot help her much.

Same for all my problems and struggles. God, it's all in your hands!

Wendy was bringing up the issue of gays and lesbians in relation to the modern advancing society. This modern world, where people get to be more open and liberal. So open that they does not feel so conservative anymore.

Why is it gays are in the limelight now?... Like what Melvin asked last week.

I have this same question too, stuck in my brain.

2005-04-23T08:56:00.000+08:00

Got a rather restless week in whole...

Met client from TKH accounting regarding their office design and apparently, i exceeded their budget of 15,000 bucks because of my signature "butterfly chairs" that costs 300 bucks plus a piece... Met Judy last night and she finally filled me in with the so-called requirements that the client wants. I was like," You should have told me earlier..."

But that's ok... learning from this experience and training to be more meticulous...

Redoing the whole proposal by tuesday and i pray for Your strength and Your grace...

Received a letter from NUS Industrial design course and saying that i have been selected for interview in May !...Praise God for that... At least i could get hold of a space in the local University, although my ultimate goal is to go to oversea university
( Curtin is my last choice, aside from RMIT ).

2005-04-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

Singapore's in for 2 Integrated Resorts in Marina Bayfront and Sentosa...

Watched the parliament session via CNA this afternoon. And seeing PM Lee trying so hard to convince Singaporeans, ever the cabinet ministers, about the goodwill of having casinos that might boast up the local industry in the near future.

Was getting very excited by the fact that PM Lee raised the pointer about the architecture design of the casinos to be 'attractive and chic'. Well, after all, being familiar with the building industry and the design field, i am very very curious to find out which architect will get the project in the end... and the architecture design outcome.

Esplanade cannot make it!... it's only now that the government realised...haha...

Now keeping our fingers crossed for this upcoming 5 billion dollars project and see who is fortunate enough to be selected. ... ...

Singapore Architecture... Well, i hope that it will be a turning point for all design architects and i guess it's now time for them to show the outside world what we got.

2005-04-17T22:04:00.000+08:00

How fun it is to realise those small events that happened in your life and you get yourself pondering about it.

Just this morning while preparing to wash up and a cockroach flew onto my neck... trying to kill it with a traditional method... a newspaper that is rolled into a bat-shaped. Attempting to just smash it down onto the floor and seeing it motionless, i decided to just chuck it into the wastepaper bin. Got back to my coffee and when about to proceed to the bathroom i saw a cockroach and not sure whether it is the same one. So i looked into the bin and it was empty!

I thought i just killed 'xiao qiang' ????

Ever though we always regards them as one of the disgusting and gross insect in the insect kingdom, but their will to live and survive is not disgusting at all. It is like at times when we were 'smash down' by tragedies, criticisms, slander, etc, we must still live on, no matter what...

so are you a cockroach????

Steph and Lei Lin got saved and i was so excited by that!... Seeing the cell growing in numbers and it makes me glad.

Had dinner with Mel on saturday. When we shared our visions for our army cell, aka NS FELLOWSHIP, and it was good sharing!... Thank God for that!

The (super) tanned look i having now is inviting so much nicknames recently.... oh well i will continue to get my nice gold tan...HAHA

2005-04-16T08:02:00.000+08:00

I kinda love what i look now....
just like a charcoal that has been marinated with chocolate sauce and i think its sounded tasty right?...
nah...
However the chocolate beginning to melt... ( the skin's peeling off )

All thanks to boredom that drives me out of the house and headed down to the swimming pool. Friday seem myself spicing up the hours that i spent by the pool. Two things you can bring. Always have your bible with you, at least you won't waste so much time stoning in front of the pool. Secondly, a discman/mp3 player/FM receiver will be nice to accompany you the whole session.

Then one question strikes me for the past 2 days.

Do i have the face that every gay mens wants???

Two days already and i noticed this same person that stares at me and ever smile! First time i noticed it in the male changing room. And that's so freaky ever when there are other (straight) guys around. Saw myself dare not use the urinal and the basin cause you might never know when he invades. But that's on thursday and i hope that maybe friday is not too bad.

I was wrong.... .... ... big mistake... ...

Got the ill-fated enlistment letter on tuesday and a date will always be stuck to my head.

JUNE 10 is the day where i am going to be sentenced to more than 2 years imprisonment, rules by the "gang green gang"... ( this is not a powerpuff girls serial ya ?)... Eugene got the JUNE 3 date... Andre going in one day after mine... Must pray hard about it.

FNL was great and Grace and i were sharing about the sermon content.
Sometimes it's hard to act and forgive your enemies. Easy to say right?...
Somehow, i remember Psalm 23:5 that it can be so useful at times. Ever in the army that it reminds me...

Thank God for the mercy and His grace...

Got two projects from sister judy and it's gonna be tough...

2005-04-14T14:31:00.000+08:00

Had so much fun these 2 weeks and got myself so burnt up from all the beach activities and the swimming sessions i had with friends. Went toa payoh swimming with YaoMing and Nick and there is so much fun just to hang around and had our eyes on the hot bikini babes!

2005-03-30T08:58:00.000+08:00

Sizzler on monday...stomach so bloated by the chicken and the salad

Interior Tech Test today!...and PQM test tomorrow...

I think the lecturer is telling me that it ain't easy to get a diploma. After all, they are trying to test us if we had learnt anything for this year.

" Did they teach anything this year???..." i wondered...

Reading the news these few days and "Clementi 2010" is probably one of the news that excites me. We are going to have a new image of Clementi in year 2010!...i am like so happy to know cause previously hearing from aunties and uncles around the neighbourhood that plans of revamping is going on. And guess what, it is going to be happening!...HAHA... After all, Clementi is one of the oldest estate in Singapore.

By 2010, what am i doing?
2007 : Probably ORD by then
Oversea studies might take the next 4 years.
HAHA... By then its finished, need not endure the noise pollution and the dust invasion.

Other news that however changes my mood totally. The passing away of Kenzo Tange, one of the most influential architect in the world. Over the decades, Tange has contributed a lot in shaping up Singapore's skyscraper image. Buildings that he built includes the WHEELOCK PLACE, in collaboration with RSP architects; Our Singapore indoor stadium, OUB plaza, etc...

2005-03-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

I am really speechless by the fact that You have sent brothers in my life so that i can be able to share with them what i am going through. Thanks for the army cell that was formed that i am been able to realise what Your words mean.

Today at the altar, it is You who plant that little courage into my roots and i am glad for that. You asking me to have the Faith in You, and you don't grumble or nag about the amount of it.
Lots of times that i lost Faith in hopes and prayers that seem so unreal. It's You who is my pushing force...

Thank You Father!...

Observing myself for a while. Sometimes the feeling of being myself putting on a chopping board, dissect myself in order a close analysis of my inner self. My inner struggles seems so unbearable.

True identity?.... the two sides battling with each other in order to achieve a Gilbert Yang.

Why i can't stay focus in being a true self? Why am i faking this all this while?????!!!!!

2005-03-26T10:47:00.000+08:00

Been feeling so down and lost yesterday, maybe because of the weariness i had for the past sleepless nights, i guess.

At times, i always wondering to myself and questioning about my faith towards God. Am i still impatient? Dear Father, You want me to wait on You and listen to You. A lot of times that i failed You yet You show no signs in things that i am going through.

How much of Your Love will i take in?...

Read a friend's blog and for the first time in his life, things and trials started to submerge and it seems like he can't stand the trial anymore. About him going to NS soon, leaving behind his girlfriend and a young and pure relationship. Pretty much reminded myself of what i went through and also searching for directions in life.

Going NS ( probably June??... or earlier?.... PTP 1st! )
RMIT design school?
Curtin?
or NUS?
or maybe ever work 1st?
RSP Architects? ( 3D again! )
Relationship with friends?
Single status?... ( courtesy of mother... thanks MUM. )

Directions in life i am so lost by now. Getting old as the days goes by, yet the maturity in me still did not show out. Sometimes i wondered that have i not changed since then?

I am so frustrated into stepping into immaturity again.
Thinking about things that did not ever take place...!

Maybe after all, i am still a kid ?....
But that child-like FAITH is so teeny....

I need your guidance Father. This steps i taking is so hard and painful!

Movie Review

2005-03-25T08:38:00.000+08:00

Guys out there, i got hitched with Jener on wednesday!...HAHA...

Sound realistic enough?... ????

I hope you would not think that hard. It's not that kind of issue that you are thinking.
Cut the whole crap Gilbert!

I watched HITCH with her after a nerve-wrecking critique session i had earlier that morning. Was thinking that i need a laughter therapy so i decided to let it go and laugh it all out in the Plaza Singapura cinema.

Story revolves around Alex ' HITCH ', played by Will Smith, a "professional" date doctor. Helping singles to find love once again. Or is he just a "kay poh ", in Singaporean's context.
Yet however, his love life was a mess when it comes to himself, falling in love with Eva Mendes's character, a newspaper editor.

The story was hilarious, like Will Smith trying to hook up a date between a average working executive and a powerful businesswoman. From dancing to 'realistic' kissing, every steps that it takes was hard but funny.

I felt that the show was like a statement of insult ( or rather mocking, in a lighter tone ). For viewers outside who is looking for a suitable partner, and ever stupid enough to look up books and consult friends who claimed they are experienced enough. At times, we have to acknowledge God as our date doctor, who has the ability to "hitch" us....

After all, Will Smith concluded the whole show by just saying this,

" Basic principles? "

" None... !"

Was it an anti-climax?...or what???

A good laughter and a effective therapy to reduce stress after work

3 1/2 stars out of 5 for this.... Go watch it!

2005-03-21T08:26:00.000+08:00

How much did i realised that i have not been really keeping up with His words and many attempts to get back to it seems so difficult because of my weariness. The devil has been working hard on me, especially recently this week before my submission.
Now my submission is over, but got to sit for 2 papers in order for me to get out of SP.

Got so distracted by lots of things that i have been dwelling these few days. Wondering and worrying the future that God wanting to lay on and also fear about the path that i am going to take.

How much does God loves me?...

2005-03-17T08:37:00.000+08:00

Was doing my model late last night, till aroumd 1am... And it's like "routin-ary" for the past few days. But how much do i realised that God's strength is the force that i always cling on. Thank You Lord for Your mercy and strength!...

Felt that there is no use complaining about my work load here cause i guess all of my friends/readers should know about my current "mountain-piling" load... My attention turned to a news article that i read few weeks back that it says,

" 1 in 2 Singaporeans sleep after midnight..."

WHICH IS 2 MILLION PLUS PEOPLE!

I was not really surprised by the article cause my course mates can make up that small 0.1% of the half 4 million... HAHA...cranky is it?

Looking back to the project and seeing how much this project has change me... including my "new " look, the unshaven look of mine...haha...

2005-03-14T08:12:00.000+08:00

Just4 more days to go before i can kiss bye bye to SP...

Managed to rush through my model and it's really great to see that the model is looking good and it's after two sleepless nights...TWO!... haha... Good thing i got jay chou's in my hi-fi player through the nights, better than listening to Jamie Yeo's craps...

Army cell was great, once again. Studying about John, who acknowledge a person so great that his thongs on his sandal he dare not remove... HAHA... Dinner after that, celebrating Daniel Yuan's 21st birthday. Seeing so many of my age group friends going into adulthood....making me feel so old.... but going to be 21 is not a child play...but it's a period of time where one will learn ( and unlearn ) and also to be more responsible... that's what i think...

Being 21 is where one have a son who is going to be 1 year old soon...oops...i am talking about amanda, a friend of mine. 21 years old and her son is turning 1 two days later... time flies so fast that it seems like yesterday that she gave birth...

Got to do my work now....staying OT these two nights... but it's just 4 more days!

2005-03-10T08:45:00.000+08:00

So stressed up by the incomplete work on hand...somehow felt lazy to push on and that's a bad thing. Kept asking Yaoming if i looked stressed and he say no... i look ok... that's bad too??...

Anyway, took a rest last night after a long day of typing my specification. Had typed 6 to 7 pages in one go yesterday and my eyes were so tired... Decided to go dinner and fellwoship with Lander, Melvin and Daniel Yuan. Early before, went to hang around with Joanne in suntec city. She is just one radical person that i ever met. She's got a tatoo of a lotus flower at her back... It's not that small as you think...haha...but that's cool anyway...

So at Burger King, Mel shared something that he learned from a mid-weekly sermon that he attended. Was sharing about Job, that he's man who fear God and shun evil. And before we left, a question had planted in our brains for us to ponder about...

"We understand each other through their lives, but we understand Jesus through His death... "

I was really thinking hard about what this statement means... Ever though our answer may sounded straightforward, but i think it's more than what we think... We tend to think that we know God, but do we ?

Back home, ( after a long wait of 30 mins for bus 7! ) I was flipping 8 days and came across the article about Daniel Beddingfield. In a part of it, the reporter asked him why is his songs sound harmonicious?

He replied that he was inspired by Jesus...

Just like that...

"...Oh God, how much you have know me,
ever if i sin and give unpleasantness at times,
i pray that your blood will cleanse me,
wash me over form head to toe... "

2005-03-08T08:03:00.000+08:00

" God works through non-believers... " Agree...???

Well if you raise this question up in a classroom, i am sure that 99.9999 % of the class will strongly agree. God's Love is beyond boundaries!...

Something i encountered that makes me sure about this statement. After service on sunday, a malay girl-friend whom i know since secondary school days send me a short messages about asking God to bless me, etc... So of course, expressing my appreciation for it and asked her about her current religion status. She still stays to Muslim, to my surprise. Then i was puzzled...

Till the last message that she send, i was deeply touched...

" I'll pray for you, Gilbert... "

Army cell, aka young men's fellowship, was really great!... kickstart with worship and then trashing out our thoughts and sharing about our future 'plans' for the cell. Really great to have this brothers back again, despite the long anticipation of reunion... But i know it's God that allows this reunion.

Been so busy with my project and i hope this will end soon... !

2005-03-03T09:15:00.000+08:00

Finally get to blog...

Late night sleeps for the past few days, rushing all my drawing plans. But thank God for His mercy and strength that i managed to catch all things together, planning my schedule properly so that i won't land up in a panic state. ...Things now are ok and going smooth.

Finally hit the gym after a week absence... i feel so fat for the past few days.

To think about it, it seems that i will be graduating soon and still figuring out what's next for Apr 2005 - ( probably May 2005 )?...

Slack and enjoy life out there?...
partying like crazy in a pub?... ( wait a minute!...that's not my option! )...
exercise???.... ( probably...? )...

Mum asked about my single status again days back and i felt so uncomfortable again. Don't understand why i feel so afraid when it comes to this issue... You know, it's hard to love again... yet sometimes we tend to get emotional about it. But God's Love for us is never fearful and Christ does not fear loving us....

Army cell starting this weekend... get so excited !...heheheh...

2005-03-01T08:27:00.000+08:00

Argh!...going to explode already...little did i realised that i only left with 3 weeks to complete my diploma course and yet there are so many things to do... drawing set, physical model, big time one... , maximum of 8 A1 presentation panels...

I wondering whether is it a good thing or bad thing...thinking that i am going to graduate soon, yet in the near future, i am going to be enlist in a camp where it's located in the far galaxy... far far far far far far.........

It's a foggy morning today... almost got suffocated in the thin mist. Thinking about the bush fires that occurs around singapore, sometimes i am thinking that danger can be so horrible that you never know what's happening next...

Be sensitive around us... one thing i learn, and that's include the lame bugs invasion...

Got to do my work now.... see ya!

2005-02-24T09:01:00.000+08:00

4.00pm, wednesday, 23 Feb 2005 :
Record : 12 minutes plus on the stadium track

Comment : that's suck!... could have done better... !

2005-02-23T08:11:00.000+08:00

Only two more days,
until your birthday
Yesterday was mine.
You'll be turning five
I know what it's like, growing up without your father in your life

So I pretend, I'm doing all I can
And I hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all

maybe someday
you really get to know me
not just the letters read to you
I pray I get the chance
To make it up to you
We got a lot of catching up to do

So I pretend,
I'm doing all I can
And hope someday you'll find it in your heart

To understand
Why I'm not around
And forgive me for not being in your life

I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Remember waiting there to find nothing at all
I remember waiting
For you to come
Remember waiting
For you to call
Waiting there to find nothing at all

Forgive me!
I'm so sorry!
I will make it up to you....

2005-02-22T08:36:00.000+08:00

Band Practice yesterday was really helpful, thanks to the band folks. Ever though we did not get down to full gear practice but actually doing the unplugged versions of songs was really great. Lander and i were sick in the stomach and we all sounded as if we were constipating. Haha...

I pray for Lander, Lord, for healing upon him.

Thank God for His strength and His Grace that i finally settled with sister Judy's project and my buddy YaoMing can finally take a rest after TWO sleepless nights. I only had ONE sleepless night... HAHA...

So sister Judy met the client yesterday and the feedback was rather good. Liked our design but somehow the money issue is always a toll and i don't like being tied down by financial issues! It's over budget, just as i expected. And also some small changes before the client can fully accept the scheme...

Something to share here. I like this verses as i read it, it gave me strength and a strong encouragement when i grew weary at times.

Psalm 23: 1 - 4

" The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. ... "

2005-02-18T08:15:00.000+08:00

John 6 : 60 - 71

On hearing it, many of his disciples said, "This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?"
Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, " Does this offend you? What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit[e] and they are life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe." For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, " This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him."
From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.
"You do not want to leave too, do you? " Jesus asked the Twelve.
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
Then Jesus replied, "Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil! " (He meant Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who, though one of the Twelve, was later to betray him.)

Truly indeed that he has the words of eternal life. It brings me a huge impact upon reading it and making me wondering again about myself being God-conscious. Honestly, i am still not very God-conscious.

Forgive me for not having You in my mind at times. Forgive me for neglecting You....

Our First FULL Band Practice

2005-02-17T09:10:00.000+08:00

Our first full band practice was really fantastic and got really excited that we nearly blast the ceiling at PCH. Really thank God for His Grace and strength. Ever though our band is still kinda deciding what type of style that we looking for, but i am really glad to see that the band is starting to have the unity and also the dynamics. Haha... ( after that become dynamite! ) ...HAHA...

Really hope to do songs that will brings Him glory in the near future. Oh well, ever as we were singing the secular music, but really wanna glorify Him with our lyrics, our melody.

Came to think about it, i think it was a really fruitful practice.

Are we blind?

2005-02-16T08:17:00.000+08:00

Monday's Valentine day and got a really crazy time with Zelig, Daniel Wee, Dan Yuan and Lander. Was having a very lame time and that Zelig can't stop laming me out throughout the whole afternoon.

Can't believe that we have a song written by our band mate and the folks are arranging the tunes now. Felt really excited to try it out. Hope we can work all this out during our practice.

Had a thought in my head this morning. Was waiting for the bus at the interchange when a partially blind working adult walking along, 'feeling' for the queuing lane to board his bus. He was asking someone for direction and slowly a kind young man guide him to his quene lane. At this moment, i felt that we are at times so blind, that we always need God to guide us. Blind by worries of life, desire of other things, etc, and as a result we often felt that there is an empty distance between us and God. Our cries is the only communication to Him.

Yet again we always don't have the abundant faith to believe in Him. Are we really 'blind'?

Teach me, Lord.
How i wish i could hear You.
All my unpleasant moments
You have show to forgive...
Taking all your words for granted.
How ashamed i can be.

Guide me, my master.
Show me your light,
to the place where i call rest.

2005-02-14T11:43:00.000+08:00

Had put my application entry into NUS 2 days back, but was still wondering about my direction in life. It always making me so tired cause in life, you always have to make a major decision. Prayed to God about it before doing the application entry.

Eventually, had chosen NUS Industrial Design, second choice comes Degree in Architecture.

Been really so touched about the fact that Dad has willing to support me financially in overseas studies. I am rather concerned about this factor, especially financial burdens. After all, every parents always want their kids to exel in studies you know??... Get emotionally whelmed up with what dad said before boarding the plane back Vietnam.

Dad aged a lot after he is back from Vietnam. He looks tired and in pain. My heart just aches by the sight of his rapidly aging look.

Happy in the sense that Dad is so supportive... ...

Sad?...
the part where leaving behind a familiar land to somewhere that i must be mature enough to live on. The feeling is like you participate in SURVIVOR OUTBACK, where you will be thrown there and you just fight for your survival.

2005-02-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

Finally get the renders out for 'presentation' tomorrow, thanks to my very wonderful pal of mine, YAOMING!.... his render was really good, now hoping that sister Judy will find it convincing, and also hope she is not that hard to please...HAHA...

Then headed down to PJ's place for cell outing cum new year visiting. Really fun to play around with Elizabeth. Funny to find myself comparing her to my 'chili padi' niece. Elizabeth is really fun to play with, and you gotta love the way she smile...awwwww!

Thinking about my niece, she is really fortunate to have my sister as her long suffering mummy. Why?

Polo Ralph Lauren tee shirt....
Adidas shoes....
Tommy Hilfiger jeans...
Osh Kosh pants as well....

Not doing any comparison here.

After which went to my uncle's place. There's where i was surprised to see my cousin's son outfit...

2 years old and he's wearing a NIKE AIR FORCE ONE SHOES!...I was like, " cool... totally..."

Kids nowadays are really fortunate... .... ... Haiz...

2005-02-11T18:27:00.000+08:00

Toilet flush went smash!....while i was flushing. Need an extreme 'flushover' by the plumber or maybe my mum.

Morale of story?

Don't flex too much of your energy after a gym session, cause that willl lead you to unknown consequences

CNY 2005 - time where roosters rule the dining table

2005-02-11T14:04:00.000+08:00

It's the year of the rooster! ... YAH literally that meaning...

School holiday this CNY week. But to kick start with sister Judy's project @ sunset way. A small dental clinic is really (more than) enough for me to stay up late. But really thank God for the strength that i managed to come up with ideas within one night so that i could pass it to yaoming to do renders. Met up the next day, which is CNY eve, to brief him about it. Then we realised that citylink closes at 5!... Can't blame them for it right?

Am glad that i could have another freelance project 'flowing' in.

Melvin turned 28 on CNY eve. One year older for him.
sad or happy?
look at his face...

First day of CNY was really 'routine', just like my any past CNY. Watching VCD with dad and get to catch up with him. 'Collateral' is right inside my VCD player this year. Tom Cruise was way cool and he always stays consistent in every of his shows. Jamie Foxx was awesome too!

Reunion dinner is always imcomplete without chicken meats. This year especially, mum did a lot of 'chicky' dishes. Wine chicken, roast chicken, curry chicken...
You name it, we 'chick' it.

Sister drop by on first day, with baby clare's roaring cry. I mean, she is really loud. Baby is teething and also she only wants mummy. What to do? We sat one corner to see our 'chili padi' roaring.

Did visiting only yesterday. Earliest at grandma's place and dad was joking about 'mobilisation failure' ... After which headed down to another location, that's where the good part starts.

'Kor Kor Teck' inviteed us to his place and the key thing is that i wanna enjoy his BOSE surround sound system. First disc on the DVD player?... THE EAGLES....

First song was 'Hotel California' ( THE UNPLUGGED CONCERT VERSION !!!)
The song that lasts for 7 minutes plus, with more than 3 minutes of guitar solo.
And the SURROUND SOUND!!!!!
WOW!!!
CRYSTAL CLEAR BASS AND CHECK OUT THE CRYSTAL CLEAR MUSIC!!!
ROCK ON!

Then a bottle of red wine was opened and walah! We have red wine and eagle's concert to complete the beautiful night of CNY day 2.

Teck Kor Kor was surprised that i knew eagles band. Anyway, that's one of my dad's favourite band.

Today morning seeing myself, derek and dad hitting down gym for a workout.

2005-02-04T13:18:00.000+08:00

Tummy cramps due to strained sit-ups... strained hip area... am i too forceful ?

Not desperate to slim down. In fact it's not good for the body to lose weight in fast speed. Haha...
To think about it, i have never been so disciplined in my life. I mean i used to get tired the moment i thought of exercising. As a result, over-focus in work, munching down chips and chocolate bars cause a toll on me. A FAT TOLL...

Now it's like part of the routine. Something that i must do before starting a day. Strange ?...

How i wish i could apply this to my current 'inconsistent' QT schedule. I must really be very disciplined to read God's words and receive it by faith.

Dad and i bought 5 seaters lounge sofa from IMM 2 weeks back and the stock came just now when i return home from gym. As a consumer, i will be particular about quality, workmanship. Now i have really learnt a lesson about being careful.

A bit regretful about it now cause the workmanship really bad! You just can't compare with the current sofa i had. And i was really very angry by the fact of them giving empty promises. It seem petty but somehow it shows of an inefficieny in their service. All they need is to help us chuck the old sofa away to the void deck and they said it's against their policy. I was like, " WHAT THE... Your salegirl say that they will provide this chucking away service!... "

And then they said they have no relation with the sales department...

Grrgrrrr....!!!!

Don't wanna think so much about all this crap... ...

Going to russell wong's photography gallery later...excited by that!....

2005-02-03T13:09:00.000+08:00

' ... Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment... '

John 7:24

'... If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him...'

Was doing QT last night where this verses had really speak to me and also being to be decisive and also be receptive and alert about the Holy spirit... Thank God for this week!

Tuesday fun....

2005-02-02T11:43:00.000+08:00

i feel a bit weird about this new blog skin cause it's quite jay-fetish. But of course, being a jay chou's fan, i knda like this skin cause of it's graphic collarge and also the fresh colour scheme. So anyway, yah, i am officially part of this blogspot community.

Went gym this morning and finally feel refreshed after a hour long workout. Timing on my trackmill still stays consistent as always. Met Yifu, my ex secondary school classmate. He is still looking the same.

Yesterday is really great cause i managed to make a trip down to the JURONG BIRD PARK. With Wendy, we both armed with digital cameras and we were like crazy photographers. She is really good at capturing profiles of birds and i am really impressed by her skills. Really fun, chilling at Pelicans' Cove, shuffling around in the world of darkness - the Owl's enclosure.

Check out my fotopages website link if you wanna view the pictures....
( The link is located at the right hand corner of this blog page )

The man-made waterfall is really very nice and it just don't seem to look like man-made. Ever Wendy was fooled by that. A few shots at the waterfall end our trip there and we headed down to city to have dinner. As she wanting to buy a 3/4 pants, and also i have some errands to run.
Got to complete an important mission there...haha

am back!

2005-01-31T10:19:00.000+08:00

My ebloggy website has been missing in action since more than 1 week ago.... and also a bit reluctant to use the blogspot website. But i guess i will have to start all over again yah?...

Have not blog for more than a week and so many things had happened lately. Majority are good things, the bad things are those incidents during school time...

How to start?...

Earlier on, dad came back from Vietnam to run some business errands. Meanwhile, get to spend some time with him. But of course, he could get to spend time, LOTS OF TIME, with Clare. He is a good grandfather, you know?....

the mad rush submission that i had last week.

Thankfully, i manages to calm down, relocating my strategies, like a tired army general who wanting victory, and plan my schedule well.

Despite my hectic schedule, managed to attend bible study group in a very tired mode, all thanks to the half hour jam....

Thank God for the wisdom, and the strength... ...

Been really happy to have Gabriel in our 'cookie monsters inc. '... but the thing is that there will be no more subway for all of us cause we have relocated ourselves to a more 'unhealthy' food joint. And we ain't not LOVIN IT... what to do>?

Managed to go FNL last week and was fruitful and fun. Youth worship team really rocks ( that's a compilment!!! )

All about self-denial and following God with a new identity in Christ. How to lose yourself to God, that's the question. But i think it's not about how, but it's about what you lose... i think...

Ebloggy is back

2004-12-09T09:41:00.000+08:00

My Ebloggy is back!...this site will be terminated in a while...

So stressed up!

2004-12-08T11:07:00.000+08:00

Monday:
So stressed up lately. Maybe it's my own expectation that's way high. Keep pushing myself to the limit is no use. Setbacks in work make it worse

Broke down for 2 nights and i was so upset of myself! I don't know why does those hurts kept coming back. I was cursing myself to the deepest core!

Ebloggy does not work these few days, so registered a place here in blogger.com. So sickening!

Tuesday:
I should have listened to Eeleen's advice, but i did not...cause... ... ...

Watched Alexander last night. 3 hours of ass-hurting and bladder-tightness. However, this show has let me down indeed, with bits of loopholes and inaccuracy.

Starting off with the aging Ptolemy, played by Anthony Hopkins, narrating the tales of Alexander. Flashbacks were, however, planned in a mysterious ways, from director Oliver Stone. Brutality is unavoidable, still.

The director miss the part where Alexander was announced the Pharaoh in Alexandria. That's is the most significant event in his life and they just briefly mentioned in the film

However, Homosexuality issues were all showed, arguing the real identity of Alexander. The director has vividly showed and portrays the characters well.

But on the other hand, the director has handled studies of the death and the conspiracies well. If you had studied the myth of Alexander well, and you watch the film, you might know what i am talking about.

2 1/2 stars out of 5 stars for that... they could have shorten the duration of the movie.